Best of Craigslist

I'm looking for an old friend of mine. He'd be about 64 now, lives(I'm guessing) in the alamo, danville, concord area. He earned his living as a handy man and was most interested in his collection of antique cars. I met him in the 70's when he was living on cedar st. in berkeley. I saw him a few times about 6 years ago when I lived on Kains st. in Albany...at that time we had a fight and I haven't seen him since. He is a very dear friend and I miss him. If anyone knows where he is now, I'd very much appreciate them letting me know....I am not a bill collector or anything like that but I, too, have grown old and would like to see my old friend before it is too late.

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/com/350234283.html

A little departure from the norm, but with an understandable bias. ValleyWag.com -- the most entertaining commentary about goings-on in the DotCom world -- put out an APB for the stars of www.google.com/romance/ . Their search turned into a shit-talking fest for the angel-faced User B. I found the response in his defence quite witty.

MPORTANT NEWS UPDATE: We ID'd a Google Romancer.

Read More: google, romance, your privacy is an illusion.

I half love it, half hate it. I've edited the parts I don't like, and kept the ones I do.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/142346249.html
best of craigslist > s.f. bayarea > No more - this is my line in the sand.
Originally Posted: Wed, 15 Mar 23:34 PST

No more - this is my line in the sand. (berkeley)

---

Date: 2006-03-15, 11:34PM PST


Editor's note from Oskar K. Tannenbaum, PhD.

---

Date: 2006-03-15, 3:44PM PST
I cant say I relate, but I sure was amused.

My regular waxer was not available and I just could not bear the wild, untamed amazon bush jungle that my, well, bush had become for another day.

So I came to you on my lunch hour, Anonymous Vietnamese Waxer Lady who works at the cheapie nail place. We were mere strangers before this afternoon, but after knowing you only an hour, I feel like I must point out the reasons why you rule.

When it was necessary to get on all fours to do the “taint” part of the wax, you applied the wax so delicately to my bunghole, then asked, in what I assumed were two of the only five English words you know, “Too hot?” I responded yes, it was too hot. And without hesitation, you blew on it to cool the hot wax. YOU BLEW ON MY BUNGHOLE, Vietnamese Waxer Lady. Do you know how special that is? Nobody blows on the bung. Nobody.

Since you were a bit clumsy with the wax, there were many bits leftover that did not get taken up onto the “Strip of Doom” as I like to call it. So without any sort of trepidation whatsoever, you happily took a cotton ball and dug the wax out of my vaginal canal yourself. How did you manage to do that without making me feel the least bit uncomfortable, Vietnamese Waxer Lady? Were you a gynecologist back in Vietnam and they wouldn’t let you practice medicine in the United States when you immigrated here, and so now you wax pubes for a living? I know that kind of thing happens all the time, and it wouldn’t surprise me at all to know this occupation has not been your first foray into coochdom. And I know this is totally inappropriate, but I even started to feel, dare I say, a tiny bit frisky from the action. You just seemed to know my vagina so very well. Almost like you were two old friends, and I was this new acquaintance showing up to lunch with you and my vagina, but then was all like “Oh. I see you two have already met.”

Since you don’t speak much English, you had to motion to me where to place my legs in the air to best reach the “corner” as you called it. Most people would have been uncomfortable with their legs in the air and then having their butt cheeks spread further apart, mere centimeters from the face of a stranger. But you smiled at me and with a subtle expression, indicated that you, too, felt my pain. You should give lessons to medical students, Vietnamese Waxer Lady, on how to have good bedside manner. Or I guess in your case, ass-side manner.

I thanked you with a good tip, but I want to thank you here, publicly, for your selfless action, and for doing your part on behalf of all humanity to keep my pubes under control.

Date: Thu Dec 08 09:29:06 2005
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/116720705.html

It's the title that gets you, but it good through the final kicker "This is in or around MoMA . . ." Brilliant.


"I saw your ad on the W4M section of CL and decided to contact you. Naturally, I paid little attention to the details of the ad itself. Why? Because those details are unimportant to me: who you are, where you live, the kind of guy you’re looking for, while understandably important to you, are merely superfluous to me and my goals. No, what really mattered to me was the fact that you advertised yourself as female, providing me with the opportunity to shower you with some of my lovely cock pics. Which is what I did. You wrote back, claiming that if I ever did that again, you’d humiliate me publicly on this board, that you’d publicly post photos of what you described as my “small, deformed, diseased pistil.” Humiliate me? Impossible. Why? Because I’m an artist of the first-rate. In fact, I’m the Alfred Stieglitz of cock pics. Please, take another look at my work. Take a look at the first photo I emailed you, which I’ve entitled “Desperation and Post-Modernity.” Don’t you see how beautifully I’ve framed my member? Can’t you see how the light from my computer monitor catches the glans, bathing it with an intense pale blue that allows you to see both its smoothness and its rigidness? Outside of, say, a Monet painting, have you ever seen anything more lovely? Now note the second one I’ve sent you (working title: “After Kafka”). Note how deftly I’ve cropped the subject, about three quarters down my left testicle, suggesting both vulnerability and mystery. Note how, barely visible above the tip of my penis, you’re able to make out the cover of "Black Tail" magazine, suggesting a motif of anger and solemnity, of urbanity and relief, at once both tribal and civilized? Humiliate me? No, my dear, by posting my work, you honor me. Once you sense the power of my work, you’ll clearly understand how analogous it is to the power of my fucking. One mind-blowing three-minute session with me and you’ll understand why artists such as myself attract women: it’s a deep-seated sensitivity to the world that artists like myself are only able to communicate by taking photos of our cocks and anonymously emailing them to you. I’m here, my dear, cock bathed in light, awaiting your reply.
this is in or around MoMA
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"

Date: Wed Jan 04 16:14:18 2006I'm
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/122686672.html

This one I'm biased. Still good through and through . She apparently got some real offers, one from an employee at a well known search engine . . .

"Im a 22 year old hot woman, bright and socially well adjusted. Have my shit together--full time job, plenty of friends, clean apartment with good roommates, etc. I'm looking for a similarly together man for the following type of relationship: I work early, so we'll go to bed early on the nights you stay at my place (which will be more than i stay at yours since I doubt you'll be as clean or as frequent a sheet washer, and the two won't add up to every night of the week). We'll spend a lot of time smoking pot and watching shitty TV or doing low key activities like reading or crossword puzzles with a bottle of wine. Occassionally, we will go to a bar for a couple of drinks with friends, catch a movie, or you might like to surprise me and we'll try a new restaurant...or an old favorite. Doesn't matter. Some nights I will cook, ususally veggie heavy rabbit food that you don't really want, but you'll eat because it's made for you. I'll surprise you occassionally with steak, which you like and I don't, or a tee shirt that reminded me of you or a CD I thought you might like. We'll work out separately and in spurts that alternate between regular and lazy. Sometimes we'll do outdoor activities together on the weekends--bike rides, kayaking, camping--but more often than not we'll just talk about how it would be a good idea and not follow through. Though I'm fully capable, you'll probably start assuming responsibilities like taking out my trash (after a good amount of time, obviously), putting together my IKEA furniture and handling anything that requires steady-handed drilling, nailing, etc. I will think this is absolutely adorable, and I'll try to do helpful things as well for you like reminding you of mother's day a week before the date or getting food and beers together for you to watch "the game" with "the boys." Actually, I'll probably consider the two aforementioned options, deem them needy and annoying and clinging, and settle for giving you a blow job. I hope you don't mind. I’ll have sex with you even when I’m tired and you’ll appreciate that. Every once in a while I’ll probably get influenced by one of those awful women’s magazines like Cosmo, and I’ll try to set the alarm for the middle of the night for sex or touch you in weird places they claim are “ultimate male g-spots,” and this will usually turn out to be more funny than sexy. You should always want to have sex with me, though over time you’ll probably propose something I haven’t done like a threesome or anal and I’ll probably consider it very seriously as some sort of birthday/anniversary/special occasion gift, but I’ll chicken out in the end. I’ll understand if this makes you mad for a couple of days. Sometimes, on the weekends, I'll get excited that I don't have to get up early the next day, and I'll drink too much. If I'm out with you, you might embarrassingly have to bring me home. Or, I'll call you a thousand times until you pick up and let me come over or meet me at my place. I'll probably say something drunk along the lines of "I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you," or "I didn't mean to get this attached." For you to be a right fit, this shouldn't freak you out too much. I'm looking for a guy that can keep my drunk self from getting too worked up or hysterical and respect that the next morning I either won't remember what I said or I'll appologize for being sloppy. We can both make fun of me the next day when this happens. But you can’t make fun of me for having bad, sloppy sex. You'll have to meet my family since I live near them and see them a few times a week--mom, dad, two brothers (one at college and one in high school). I keep up the appearance of being pretty held together around them...trying to minimize all the time I waste, exaggerating minor interests/activities. You'll have to be able to carry on a conversation about sports, politics, bike riding or music with my father, and my mom can talk about pretty much anything with you--I'd suggest family. She'll love to hear about your family. The brother that lives at home is hilarious and will make fun of you. I'll laugh a lot and you'll have to be secure enough to not take it personally. He'll highlight any flaw or distinct feature you have--receding hairline, accent, etc.--and draw attention to it mercilessly and at inopportune moments. Also, he's 6'2", and will make height jokes if you're even just half an inch shorter. I think he's hilarious, and this will only work if you either agree or are able to not take offense. My brother at college won't be around much, and he's more or less the nicest person ever, so if you can't get along with him, you're crazy. I'm pretty likable and confident that you're family will like me just enough to hope we get married when we're together and have deep, retrospective reservations about our relationship post break-up. I predict your sisters and your dad will like me best, just because that’s the way it usually goes. I'll also do well with co-workers and friends, as I tend to like everyone and am busy enough on my own to keep from smothering you. After a period of time, I anticipate my roommates or yours will start making passive comments about an "extra person" living in the apartment, and one or both of our parents may make alarming comments about marraige, etc. We probably won't address this, but will do something stupid to sabatoge the relationship. You'll become standoffish and I'll react by being clingy and the tension will rise until I end up crying outside a bar and pulling on your arm as you get in a cab. Or, maybe I'll make plans for a major life change--say moving across country or buying a condo (who knows, right?)--without consulting you and you'll break up with me through the classic fifth grade combination of ignoring me and trusting that it'll get back to me through mutual friends. I'll be briefly but intensely upset; I don't know how you'll handle your grief. After a period of time in which I'll probably date some ridiculous characters and make ridiculous proclamations about how much I hate men and love, and how I'll die alone and sad, we'll run into each other (mutual friend's wedding, etc.). I'll be stressed about this meeting, but we'll probably have a good conversation. At least, I hope we'll be able to be friends, and I think we will...until we get married, that is, at which time our respective spouses will feel uncomfortable and end our friendship. But we'll think of one another fondly, nonetheless. If this sounds good to you, drop me a line with a picture. We can get coffee or drinks or pretend to meet in a supermarket over awkward conversation about bread pricing or something. Whatever works for you.
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"

This is a winner based on title alone.

Date: Thu Feb 16 10:27:01 2006
You - Gorgeous... Me - A Gamer... - m4w - 25
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/134426482.html