Saturday, June 16, 2007
Looking for Steve Woodburn
I'm looking for an old friend of mine. He'd be about 64 now, lives(I'm guessing) in the alamo, danville, concord area. He earned his living as a handy man and was most interested in his collection of antique cars. I met him in the 70's when he was living on cedar st. in berkeley. I saw him a few times about 6 years ago when I lived on Kains st. in Albany...at that time we had a fight and I haven't seen him since. He is a very dear friend and I miss him. If anyone knows where he is now, I'd very much appreciate them letting me know....I am not a bill collector or anything like that but I, too, have grown old and would like to see my old friend before it is too late.
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/com/350234283.html
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/com/350234283.html
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Best of ValleyWag.com
A little departure from the norm, but with an understandable bias. ValleyWag.com -- the most entertaining commentary about goings-on in the DotCom world -- put out an APB for the stars of www.google.com/romance/ . Their search turned into a shit-talking fest for the angel-faced User B. I found the response in his defence quite witty.
MPORTANT NEWS UPDATE: We ID'd a Google Romancer.
don't know the girl, but the guy is a product marketing manager named Jon Steinbeck. I don't know about any relations, but the name is no joke.
The tipster goes on to say some terribly unkind things, but suffice to say the "User B is kind of full of himself" line is, in their opinion, funny 'cause it's true.
So we just need the name of lovely User A. Clue me in at tips@valleywag.com.
Earlier: Who's that Googler: the Google Romancers [Valleywag]
Read More: google, romance, your privacy is an illusion.
This is just not accurate. Jon is a genuinely nice, unassuming, and all around wonderful guy. I don't know what this "tipster" hoped to achieve by submitting such horrible comments about such a good guy.
by jb17 on 04/03/06 04:23 PM
They were pretty horrible comments. Anyone else who wishes to come to Jon's defense, or be a witty and more-reasonable-than-the-tipster detractor, e-mail in or IM "HeyValleywag" for a comment account.
Jon Steinbackis an upstanding citizen. I know the city of Salinas wasn't too happy with what Jon Steinback said about Cannery Row, but let's put that aside. . .
Jon was born to some Missionaries working with Mother Teresa in Calcultta. They said that if he played with the lepers there he'd catch the disease. Well, he did.
Open sores aren't the only things Jon brought to the States. Some say the new exec. director of Google.org, Larry Brilliant, created the cure for smallpox, but they have it all wrong. It was Jon. He gave it to him on a scrap of paper to Uncle Larry when he was 12 and told his parents "oh it's just a letter to Santa." And, I don't want to give too much away, but I think the new work he's doing turning vegetable oil into fossil fuel is pretty amazing.
I can't blame the original tipster for calling Jon a bad dude. I know what you mean, someone that good, makes me want to puke, too. But knowing Jon, he'd probably be there with the barf bag.
by epf2001 on 04/04/06 03:37 PM
Monday, March 27, 2006
Best of Craigslist: All that's wrong with America
I half love it, half hate it. I've edited the parts I don't like, and kept the ones I do.
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/142346249.html
best of craigslist > s.f. bayarea > No more - this is my line in the sand.
Originally Posted: Wed, 15 Mar 23:34 PST
Date: 2006-03-15, 11:34PM PST
Editor's note from Oskar K. Tannenbaum, PhD.
Hello All,
I don't have much time - I fear that no one will continue my work after I go. This message contains the eleven phenomenon within American culture that are in need of urgent, immediate remedy. I have organized them in order of importance and gravitas. The list begins with items that are mere grotesque annoyances. The list ends with a discussion of things that threaten civilization as we know it. Pour yourself a glass of grain liquor and brace yourselves.
1. Cars with Four Headlights
I'm sure that you people who drive these abominations worked very, very hard beging your parents/girlfriend for the extra money to lower your Acuras, fix a spoiler onto the back, slap a sticker of Calvin peeing on some corporate logo on the back, and install your second set of headlights.
However, I'm lucky to derive vicarious benefit from it - all that extra light blasting through my back window not only helps be find that damned rearview mirror that I keep losing, it helps me reload my clip in preparation for the time when you finally get sick of tailgating me and try to pass me. Thanks guys.
2. Misuse of Homonyms by...well...EVERYONE
Only a native speaker -- probably one in the English dept. -- would really gripe about the misuse of "your" and "you're"
3. Girls with Oversized Sunglasses
This shit needs to stop immediately (unless you're Elton John - since you invented this, I'll let you stick with it for just a little while longer).
4. People using Alanis Morisette's Grotesquely False Definition of "Ironic" in daily speech
IRONY: Noun -An incongruity (contradition) between what is expected in a particular situation and what actually happens (note: "Irony" takes a very different definition in the context of literature - this is the most widely known definition).
Irony: A fire-extinguisher factory burning to the ground.
Non-Irony: Rain on your wedding day (this is just bad luck, NOT IRONY)
5. Online Surveys
Taking the time to answer 200 random Yes/No questions about your cell phone/number of "crushes"/number of tattoos tells us nothing about you as a person. It makes no progress in mapping your psyche, and reveals nothing more than an overabundance of free time.
For those who want to truely reveal intimate fascets of your personality, submit a written answer to the following hypothetical question....you just may learn a little about yourself in the process.
6. The Sad Decline of Rudy Ray Moore
Rudy Ray Moore is a cinematic artist like none other. His artistic credits include:
Dolemite - where Mr. Moore plays a pimp whose "hoes" know Kung Fu and use it to clean up the streets
The Avenging Disco Godfather - where Mr. Moore plays Tucker, a retired cop-turned-disco DJ-turned vigilante when his nephew picks up an addiction to P.C.P.
For the money that Sting spent on penile enhancement surgery, or the money that Axl Rose stuffed into the G-strings of Brazilian pole-dancers, Rudy Ray Moore could have made more than two-dozen movies about kung-fu prostitutes (but I'm not one to romanticize what might have been)...
What could be more hipster than lamenting the decline of your favorite little-known actor ? Read on. . .
7. Hipsters
When the trucker-style mesh baseball cap becomes part of the uniform, it's no longer "ironic" (as everyone now knows, since we've set the record straight on THAT issue). Pabst Blue Ribbon still sucks - it has sucked ever since the long bygone days when it was the official beverage of the actual, honest-to-god American working class. Drinking it thus CANNOT make you cool.
8. "It sure is cold outside, so SO MUCH FOR GLOBAL WARMING."
I dont know anyone who really says this. Not worth the gripe.
No one, anywhere, at anytime, is allowed to use the increasingly cold temperatures that we're witnessing during wintertime as proof against global warming.
It is irrefutably true that the average temperatures on Earth have increased. It is also irrefutable that both the arctic and antarctic icecaps have been steadily shrinking.
Warmer temperatures mean that more ice is falling into the ocean, and thus temporarily cooling the waters that reach North America. Furthermore, since more moisture is being evaporated into the atmosphere, a greater amount of precipitation in the winter is to be expected.
Thus, unusually cool winters DO NOT UNDERMINE GLOBAL WARMING. You are still free to disagree on whether there is in fact global warming if you really insist. HOWEVER: no one is allowed to cite cold days during the winter as evidence of this view (ever....I mean it, not ever).
9 and 10 were political rantings not worth the space in the blog. To summarize: the author doesn't like war in iraq or pres. bush.
(hey, im not saying i do either, but the arguments offer no new insight into a done deal.)
11. Intelligent Design
Do you enjoy electricity? Jet engines? Semi-conductors?
Thank the scientific method. Almost all of the technological progress that mankind has enjoyed has taken place in the past 300 years. This is thanks to a system of thought that focuses only on natural explanations for phenomenon in the world around us that survive numerous tests and retests.
The "theory" of evolution was also derived from this same marvelous mode of thought. However, let us define our terminology: technically, evolution is in fact only a "theory." However, "gravity" to this day is referred to as Newton's Theory of Gravitation. EVERYTHING in science is a theory, since the only proof that scientists rely upon for formulating their beliefs are PAST observations of PAST events.
However, take comfort in the fact that this minor technicality does nothing to impair the "truth" of scientific observations the next time you use a USB flash drive; everytime you plug one in, you are single-handedly proving the truth of Quantum Mechanics.
Thus, no true scientific theory would look at the complexity of the world around us, throw up its hands and say, "It's SO COMPLEX! I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT! IT MUST HAVE BEEN A SPOOKY INVISIBLE FATHER FIGURE LIVING IN THE SKY WHO CREATED IT."
This is not to say that there might not be some sort of creator - however, calling the belief in such a being "science" is anathema to the very underpinnings of our civilization as we know it.
In sum - you are free to believe in it. However, you're not allowed to call it "science."
Ever.
HUGS!!! XOXOXOX
A.D.F.
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/142346249.html
best of craigslist > s.f. bayarea > No more - this is my line in the sand.
Originally Posted: Wed, 15 Mar 23:34 PST
No more - this is my line in the sand. (berkeley)
Date: 2006-03-15, 11:34PM PST
Editor's note from Oskar K. Tannenbaum, PhD.
What follows is the last known recorded work of Anthony F., shortly before his disappearence on March 15th, 2006. Researches speculate that Mr. F succombed to his unfortunate habit of overscheduling himself and committing his time to too many people, and left his final words of guidance for mankind on the eve of what he understood to be a potentially permanent descent into madness.
However, experts are, as of yet, uncertain of the true intent behind this piece - its sheer randomness undermines any pretense of a definitive final summary of his prescriptions for humanity.
In fact, we at Free University of Berlin are hesitant to even label this piece as "authentic." Thus, the reader should proceed with caution and realistic expectations.
Oskar Tannenbaum, PhD
Spring, 2006
However, experts are, as of yet, uncertain of the true intent behind this piece - its sheer randomness undermines any pretense of a definitive final summary of his prescriptions for humanity.
In fact, we at Free University of Berlin are hesitant to even label this piece as "authentic." Thus, the reader should proceed with caution and realistic expectations.
Oskar Tannenbaum, PhD
Spring, 2006
Malice Aforethought: A Final Testament
by A.D.F.
Hello All,
I don't have much time - I fear that no one will continue my work after I go. This message contains the eleven phenomenon within American culture that are in need of urgent, immediate remedy. I have organized them in order of importance and gravitas. The list begins with items that are mere grotesque annoyances. The list ends with a discussion of things that threaten civilization as we know it. Pour yourself a glass of grain liquor and brace yourselves.
1. Cars with Four Headlights
I'm sure that you people who drive these abominations worked very, very hard beging your parents/girlfriend for the extra money to lower your Acuras, fix a spoiler onto the back, slap a sticker of Calvin peeing on some corporate logo on the back, and install your second set of headlights.
However, I'm lucky to derive vicarious benefit from it - all that extra light blasting through my back window not only helps be find that damned rearview mirror that I keep losing, it helps me reload my clip in preparation for the time when you finally get sick of tailgating me and try to pass me. Thanks guys.
2. Misuse of Homonyms by...well...EVERYONE
3. Girls with Oversized Sunglasses
This shit needs to stop immediately (unless you're Elton John - since you invented this, I'll let you stick with it for just a little while longer).
4. People using Alanis Morisette's Grotesquely False Definition of "Ironic" in daily speech
IRONY: Noun -An incongruity (contradition) between what is expected in a particular situation and what actually happens (note: "Irony" takes a very different definition in the context of literature - this is the most widely known definition).
Irony: A fire-extinguisher factory burning to the ground.
Non-Irony: Rain on your wedding day (this is just bad luck, NOT IRONY)
5. Online Surveys
Taking the time to answer 200 random Yes/No questions about your cell phone/number of "crushes"/number of tattoos tells us nothing about you as a person. It makes no progress in mapping your psyche, and reveals nothing more than an overabundance of free time.
For those who want to truely reveal intimate fascets of your personality, submit a written answer to the following hypothetical question....you just may learn a little about yourself in the process.
6. The Sad Decline of Rudy Ray Moore
Rudy Ray Moore is a cinematic artist like none other. His artistic credits include:
Dolemite - where Mr. Moore plays a pimp whose "hoes" know Kung Fu and use it to clean up the streets
The Avenging Disco Godfather - where Mr. Moore plays Tucker, a retired cop-turned-disco DJ-turned vigilante when his nephew picks up an addiction to P.C.P.
For the money that Sting spent on penile enhancement surgery, or the money that Axl Rose stuffed into the G-strings of Brazilian pole-dancers, Rudy Ray Moore could have made more than two-dozen movies about kung-fu prostitutes (but I'm not one to romanticize what might have been)...
7. Hipsters
When the trucker-style mesh baseball cap becomes part of the uniform, it's no longer "ironic" (as everyone now knows, since we've set the record straight on THAT issue). Pabst Blue Ribbon still sucks - it has sucked ever since the long bygone days when it was the official beverage of the actual, honest-to-god American working class. Drinking it thus CANNOT make you cool.
8. "It sure is cold outside, so SO MUCH FOR GLOBAL WARMING."
It is irrefutably true that the average temperatures on Earth have increased. It is also irrefutable that both the arctic and antarctic icecaps have been steadily shrinking.
Warmer temperatures mean that more ice is falling into the ocean, and thus temporarily cooling the waters that reach North America. Furthermore, since more moisture is being evaporated into the atmosphere, a greater amount of precipitation in the winter is to be expected.
Thus, unusually cool winters DO NOT UNDERMINE GLOBAL WARMING. You are still free to disagree on whether there is in fact global warming if you really insist. HOWEVER: no one is allowed to cite cold days during the winter as evidence of this view (ever....I mean it, not ever).
9 and 10 were political rantings not worth the space in the blog. To summarize: the author doesn't like war in iraq or pres. bush.
(hey, im not saying i do either, but the arguments offer no new insight into a done deal.)
11. Intelligent Design
Do you enjoy electricity? Jet engines? Semi-conductors?
Thank the scientific method. Almost all of the technological progress that mankind has enjoyed has taken place in the past 300 years. This is thanks to a system of thought that focuses only on natural explanations for phenomenon in the world around us that survive numerous tests and retests.
The "theory" of evolution was also derived from this same marvelous mode of thought. However, let us define our terminology: technically, evolution is in fact only a "theory." However, "gravity" to this day is referred to as Newton's Theory of Gravitation. EVERYTHING in science is a theory, since the only proof that scientists rely upon for formulating their beliefs are PAST observations of PAST events.
However, take comfort in the fact that this minor technicality does nothing to impair the "truth" of scientific observations the next time you use a USB flash drive; everytime you plug one in, you are single-handedly proving the truth of Quantum Mechanics.
Thus, no true scientific theory would look at the complexity of the world around us, throw up its hands and say, "It's SO COMPLEX! I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT! IT MUST HAVE BEEN A SPOOKY INVISIBLE FATHER FIGURE LIVING IN THE SKY WHO CREATED IT."
This is not to say that there might not be some sort of creator - however, calling the belief in such a being "science" is anathema to the very underpinnings of our civilization as we know it.
In sum - you are free to believe in it. However, you're not allowed to call it "science."
Ever.
HUGS!!! XOXOXOX
A.D.F.
Best of Craiglist: You Rule, Vietnamese Waxer Lady
Date: 2006-03-15, 3:44PM PST
I cant say I relate, but I sure was amused.
My regular waxer was not available and I just could not bear the wild, untamed amazon bush jungle that my, well, bush had become for another day.
So I came to you on my lunch hour, Anonymous Vietnamese Waxer Lady who works at the cheapie nail place. We were mere strangers before this afternoon, but after knowing you only an hour, I feel like I must point out the reasons why you rule.
When it was necessary to get on all fours to do the “taint” part of the wax, you applied the wax so delicately to my bunghole, then asked, in what I assumed were two of the only five English words you know, “Too hot?” I responded yes, it was too hot. And without hesitation, you blew on it to cool the hot wax. YOU BLEW ON MY BUNGHOLE, Vietnamese Waxer Lady. Do you know how special that is? Nobody blows on the bung. Nobody.
Since you were a bit clumsy with the wax, there were many bits leftover that did not get taken up onto the “Strip of Doom” as I like to call it. So without any sort of trepidation whatsoever, you happily took a cotton ball and dug the wax out of my vaginal canal yourself. How did you manage to do that without making me feel the least bit uncomfortable, Vietnamese Waxer Lady? Were you a gynecologist back in Vietnam and they wouldn’t let you practice medicine in the United States when you immigrated here, and so now you wax pubes for a living? I know that kind of thing happens all the time, and it wouldn’t surprise me at all to know this occupation has not been your first foray into coochdom. And I know this is totally inappropriate, but I even started to feel, dare I say, a tiny bit frisky from the action. You just seemed to know my vagina so very well. Almost like you were two old friends, and I was this new acquaintance showing up to lunch with you and my vagina, but then was all like “Oh. I see you two have already met.”
Since you don’t speak much English, you had to motion to me where to place my legs in the air to best reach the “corner” as you called it. Most people would have been uncomfortable with their legs in the air and then having their butt cheeks spread further apart, mere centimeters from the face of a stranger. But you smiled at me and with a subtle expression, indicated that you, too, felt my pain. You should give lessons to medical students, Vietnamese Waxer Lady, on how to have good bedside manner. Or I guess in your case, ass-side manner.
I thanked you with a good tip, but I want to thank you here, publicly, for your selfless action, and for doing your part on behalf of all humanity to keep my pubes under control.
I cant say I relate, but I sure was amused.
My regular waxer was not available and I just could not bear the wild, untamed amazon bush jungle that my, well, bush had become for another day.
So I came to you on my lunch hour, Anonymous Vietnamese Waxer Lady who works at the cheapie nail place. We were mere strangers before this afternoon, but after knowing you only an hour, I feel like I must point out the reasons why you rule.
When it was necessary to get on all fours to do the “taint” part of the wax, you applied the wax so delicately to my bunghole, then asked, in what I assumed were two of the only five English words you know, “Too hot?” I responded yes, it was too hot. And without hesitation, you blew on it to cool the hot wax. YOU BLEW ON MY BUNGHOLE, Vietnamese Waxer Lady. Do you know how special that is? Nobody blows on the bung. Nobody.
Since you were a bit clumsy with the wax, there were many bits leftover that did not get taken up onto the “Strip of Doom” as I like to call it. So without any sort of trepidation whatsoever, you happily took a cotton ball and dug the wax out of my vaginal canal yourself. How did you manage to do that without making me feel the least bit uncomfortable, Vietnamese Waxer Lady? Were you a gynecologist back in Vietnam and they wouldn’t let you practice medicine in the United States when you immigrated here, and so now you wax pubes for a living? I know that kind of thing happens all the time, and it wouldn’t surprise me at all to know this occupation has not been your first foray into coochdom. And I know this is totally inappropriate, but I even started to feel, dare I say, a tiny bit frisky from the action. You just seemed to know my vagina so very well. Almost like you were two old friends, and I was this new acquaintance showing up to lunch with you and my vagina, but then was all like “Oh. I see you two have already met.”
Since you don’t speak much English, you had to motion to me where to place my legs in the air to best reach the “corner” as you called it. Most people would have been uncomfortable with their legs in the air and then having their butt cheeks spread further apart, mere centimeters from the face of a stranger. But you smiled at me and with a subtle expression, indicated that you, too, felt my pain. You should give lessons to medical students, Vietnamese Waxer Lady, on how to have good bedside manner. Or I guess in your case, ass-side manner.
I thanked you with a good tip, but I want to thank you here, publicly, for your selfless action, and for doing your part on behalf of all humanity to keep my pubes under control.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Best of Craiglist: I Am the Alfred Stieglitz of Cock Pics…
Date: Thu Dec 08 09:29:06 2005
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/116720705.html
It's the title that gets you, but it good through the final kicker "This is in or around MoMA . . ." Brilliant.
"I saw your ad on the W4M section of CL and decided to contact you. Naturally, I paid little attention to the details of the ad itself. Why? Because those details are unimportant to me: who you are, where you live, the kind of guy you’re looking for, while understandably important to you, are merely superfluous to me and my goals. No, what really mattered to me was the fact that you advertised yourself as female, providing me with the opportunity to shower you with some of my lovely cock pics. Which is what I did. You wrote back, claiming that if I ever did that again, you’d humiliate me publicly on this board, that you’d publicly post photos of what you described as my “small, deformed, diseased pistil.” Humiliate me? Impossible. Why? Because I’m an artist of the first-rate. In fact, I’m the Alfred Stieglitz of cock pics. Please, take another look at my work. Take a look at the first photo I emailed you, which I’ve entitled “Desperation and Post-Modernity.” Don’t you see how beautifully I’ve framed my member? Can’t you see how the light from my computer monitor catches the glans, bathing it with an intense pale blue that allows you to see both its smoothness and its rigidness? Outside of, say, a Monet painting, have you ever seen anything more lovely? Now note the second one I’ve sent you (working title: “After Kafka”). Note how deftly I’ve cropped the subject, about three quarters down my left testicle, suggesting both vulnerability and mystery. Note how, barely visible above the tip of my penis, you’re able to make out the cover of "Black Tail" magazine, suggesting a motif of anger and solemnity, of urbanity and relief, at once both tribal and civilized? Humiliate me? No, my dear, by posting my work, you honor me. Once you sense the power of my work, you’ll clearly understand how analogous it is to the power of my fucking. One mind-blowing three-minute session with me and you’ll understand why artists such as myself attract women: it’s a deep-seated sensitivity to the world that artists like myself are only able to communicate by taking photos of our cocks and anonymously emailing them to you. I’m here, my dear, cock bathed in light, awaiting your reply.
this is in or around MoMA
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/116720705.html
It's the title that gets you, but it good through the final kicker "This is in or around MoMA . . ." Brilliant.
"I saw your ad on the W4M section of CL and decided to contact you. Naturally, I paid little attention to the details of the ad itself. Why? Because those details are unimportant to me: who you are, where you live, the kind of guy you’re looking for, while understandably important to you, are merely superfluous to me and my goals. No, what really mattered to me was the fact that you advertised yourself as female, providing me with the opportunity to shower you with some of my lovely cock pics. Which is what I did. You wrote back, claiming that if I ever did that again, you’d humiliate me publicly on this board, that you’d publicly post photos of what you described as my “small, deformed, diseased pistil.” Humiliate me? Impossible. Why? Because I’m an artist of the first-rate. In fact, I’m the Alfred Stieglitz of cock pics. Please, take another look at my work. Take a look at the first photo I emailed you, which I’ve entitled “Desperation and Post-Modernity.” Don’t you see how beautifully I’ve framed my member? Can’t you see how the light from my computer monitor catches the glans, bathing it with an intense pale blue that allows you to see both its smoothness and its rigidness? Outside of, say, a Monet painting, have you ever seen anything more lovely? Now note the second one I’ve sent you (working title: “After Kafka”). Note how deftly I’ve cropped the subject, about three quarters down my left testicle, suggesting both vulnerability and mystery. Note how, barely visible above the tip of my penis, you’re able to make out the cover of "Black Tail" magazine, suggesting a motif of anger and solemnity, of urbanity and relief, at once both tribal and civilized? Humiliate me? No, my dear, by posting my work, you honor me. Once you sense the power of my work, you’ll clearly understand how analogous it is to the power of my fucking. One mind-blowing three-minute session with me and you’ll understand why artists such as myself attract women: it’s a deep-seated sensitivity to the world that artists like myself are only able to communicate by taking photos of our cocks and anonymously emailing them to you. I’m here, my dear, cock bathed in light, awaiting your reply.
this is in or around MoMA
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"
Best of Craiglist: Looking for a lazy, semi-LTR
Date: Wed Jan 04 16:14:18 2006I'm
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/122686672.html
This one I'm biased. Still good through and through . She apparently got some real offers, one from an employee at a well known search engine . . .
"Im a 22 year old hot woman, bright and socially well adjusted. Have my shit together--full time job, plenty of friends, clean apartment with good roommates, etc. I'm looking for a similarly together man for the following type of relationship: I work early, so we'll go to bed early on the nights you stay at my place (which will be more than i stay at yours since I doubt you'll be as clean or as frequent a sheet washer, and the two won't add up to every night of the week). We'll spend a lot of time smoking pot and watching shitty TV or doing low key activities like reading or crossword puzzles with a bottle of wine. Occassionally, we will go to a bar for a couple of drinks with friends, catch a movie, or you might like to surprise me and we'll try a new restaurant...or an old favorite. Doesn't matter. Some nights I will cook, ususally veggie heavy rabbit food that you don't really want, but you'll eat because it's made for you. I'll surprise you occassionally with steak, which you like and I don't, or a tee shirt that reminded me of you or a CD I thought you might like. We'll work out separately and in spurts that alternate between regular and lazy. Sometimes we'll do outdoor activities together on the weekends--bike rides, kayaking, camping--but more often than not we'll just talk about how it would be a good idea and not follow through. Though I'm fully capable, you'll probably start assuming responsibilities like taking out my trash (after a good amount of time, obviously), putting together my IKEA furniture and handling anything that requires steady-handed drilling, nailing, etc. I will think this is absolutely adorable, and I'll try to do helpful things as well for you like reminding you of mother's day a week before the date or getting food and beers together for you to watch "the game" with "the boys." Actually, I'll probably consider the two aforementioned options, deem them needy and annoying and clinging, and settle for giving you a blow job. I hope you don't mind. I’ll have sex with you even when I’m tired and you’ll appreciate that. Every once in a while I’ll probably get influenced by one of those awful women’s magazines like Cosmo, and I’ll try to set the alarm for the middle of the night for sex or touch you in weird places they claim are “ultimate male g-spots,” and this will usually turn out to be more funny than sexy. You should always want to have sex with me, though over time you’ll probably propose something I haven’t done like a threesome or anal and I’ll probably consider it very seriously as some sort of birthday/anniversary/special occasion gift, but I’ll chicken out in the end. I’ll understand if this makes you mad for a couple of days. Sometimes, on the weekends, I'll get excited that I don't have to get up early the next day, and I'll drink too much. If I'm out with you, you might embarrassingly have to bring me home. Or, I'll call you a thousand times until you pick up and let me come over or meet me at my place. I'll probably say something drunk along the lines of "I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you," or "I didn't mean to get this attached." For you to be a right fit, this shouldn't freak you out too much. I'm looking for a guy that can keep my drunk self from getting too worked up or hysterical and respect that the next morning I either won't remember what I said or I'll appologize for being sloppy. We can both make fun of me the next day when this happens. But you can’t make fun of me for having bad, sloppy sex. You'll have to meet my family since I live near them and see them a few times a week--mom, dad, two brothers (one at college and one in high school). I keep up the appearance of being pretty held together around them...trying to minimize all the time I waste, exaggerating minor interests/activities. You'll have to be able to carry on a conversation about sports, politics, bike riding or music with my father, and my mom can talk about pretty much anything with you--I'd suggest family. She'll love to hear about your family. The brother that lives at home is hilarious and will make fun of you. I'll laugh a lot and you'll have to be secure enough to not take it personally. He'll highlight any flaw or distinct feature you have--receding hairline, accent, etc.--and draw attention to it mercilessly and at inopportune moments. Also, he's 6'2", and will make height jokes if you're even just half an inch shorter. I think he's hilarious, and this will only work if you either agree or are able to not take offense. My brother at college won't be around much, and he's more or less the nicest person ever, so if you can't get along with him, you're crazy. I'm pretty likable and confident that you're family will like me just enough to hope we get married when we're together and have deep, retrospective reservations about our relationship post break-up. I predict your sisters and your dad will like me best, just because that’s the way it usually goes. I'll also do well with co-workers and friends, as I tend to like everyone and am busy enough on my own to keep from smothering you. After a period of time, I anticipate my roommates or yours will start making passive comments about an "extra person" living in the apartment, and one or both of our parents may make alarming comments about marraige, etc. We probably won't address this, but will do something stupid to sabatoge the relationship. You'll become standoffish and I'll react by being clingy and the tension will rise until I end up crying outside a bar and pulling on your arm as you get in a cab. Or, maybe I'll make plans for a major life change--say moving across country or buying a condo (who knows, right?)--without consulting you and you'll break up with me through the classic fifth grade combination of ignoring me and trusting that it'll get back to me through mutual friends. I'll be briefly but intensely upset; I don't know how you'll handle your grief. After a period of time in which I'll probably date some ridiculous characters and make ridiculous proclamations about how much I hate men and love, and how I'll die alone and sad, we'll run into each other (mutual friend's wedding, etc.). I'll be stressed about this meeting, but we'll probably have a good conversation. At least, I hope we'll be able to be friends, and I think we will...until we get married, that is, at which time our respective spouses will feel uncomfortable and end our friendship. But we'll think of one another fondly, nonetheless. If this sounds good to you, drop me a line with a picture. We can get coffee or drinks or pretend to meet in a supermarket over awkward conversation about bread pricing or something. Whatever works for you.
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/122686672.html
This one I'm biased. Still good through and through . She apparently got some real offers, one from an employee at a well known search engine . . .
"Im a 22 year old hot woman, bright and socially well adjusted. Have my shit together--full time job, plenty of friends, clean apartment with good roommates, etc. I'm looking for a similarly together man for the following type of relationship: I work early, so we'll go to bed early on the nights you stay at my place (which will be more than i stay at yours since I doubt you'll be as clean or as frequent a sheet washer, and the two won't add up to every night of the week). We'll spend a lot of time smoking pot and watching shitty TV or doing low key activities like reading or crossword puzzles with a bottle of wine. Occassionally, we will go to a bar for a couple of drinks with friends, catch a movie, or you might like to surprise me and we'll try a new restaurant...or an old favorite. Doesn't matter. Some nights I will cook, ususally veggie heavy rabbit food that you don't really want, but you'll eat because it's made for you. I'll surprise you occassionally with steak, which you like and I don't, or a tee shirt that reminded me of you or a CD I thought you might like. We'll work out separately and in spurts that alternate between regular and lazy. Sometimes we'll do outdoor activities together on the weekends--bike rides, kayaking, camping--but more often than not we'll just talk about how it would be a good idea and not follow through. Though I'm fully capable, you'll probably start assuming responsibilities like taking out my trash (after a good amount of time, obviously), putting together my IKEA furniture and handling anything that requires steady-handed drilling, nailing, etc. I will think this is absolutely adorable, and I'll try to do helpful things as well for you like reminding you of mother's day a week before the date or getting food and beers together for you to watch "the game" with "the boys." Actually, I'll probably consider the two aforementioned options, deem them needy and annoying and clinging, and settle for giving you a blow job. I hope you don't mind. I’ll have sex with you even when I’m tired and you’ll appreciate that. Every once in a while I’ll probably get influenced by one of those awful women’s magazines like Cosmo, and I’ll try to set the alarm for the middle of the night for sex or touch you in weird places they claim are “ultimate male g-spots,” and this will usually turn out to be more funny than sexy. You should always want to have sex with me, though over time you’ll probably propose something I haven’t done like a threesome or anal and I’ll probably consider it very seriously as some sort of birthday/anniversary/special occasion gift, but I’ll chicken out in the end. I’ll understand if this makes you mad for a couple of days. Sometimes, on the weekends, I'll get excited that I don't have to get up early the next day, and I'll drink too much. If I'm out with you, you might embarrassingly have to bring me home. Or, I'll call you a thousand times until you pick up and let me come over or meet me at my place. I'll probably say something drunk along the lines of "I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you," or "I didn't mean to get this attached." For you to be a right fit, this shouldn't freak you out too much. I'm looking for a guy that can keep my drunk self from getting too worked up or hysterical and respect that the next morning I either won't remember what I said or I'll appologize for being sloppy. We can both make fun of me the next day when this happens. But you can’t make fun of me for having bad, sloppy sex. You'll have to meet my family since I live near them and see them a few times a week--mom, dad, two brothers (one at college and one in high school). I keep up the appearance of being pretty held together around them...trying to minimize all the time I waste, exaggerating minor interests/activities. You'll have to be able to carry on a conversation about sports, politics, bike riding or music with my father, and my mom can talk about pretty much anything with you--I'd suggest family. She'll love to hear about your family. The brother that lives at home is hilarious and will make fun of you. I'll laugh a lot and you'll have to be secure enough to not take it personally. He'll highlight any flaw or distinct feature you have--receding hairline, accent, etc.--and draw attention to it mercilessly and at inopportune moments. Also, he's 6'2", and will make height jokes if you're even just half an inch shorter. I think he's hilarious, and this will only work if you either agree or are able to not take offense. My brother at college won't be around much, and he's more or less the nicest person ever, so if you can't get along with him, you're crazy. I'm pretty likable and confident that you're family will like me just enough to hope we get married when we're together and have deep, retrospective reservations about our relationship post break-up. I predict your sisters and your dad will like me best, just because that’s the way it usually goes. I'll also do well with co-workers and friends, as I tend to like everyone and am busy enough on my own to keep from smothering you. After a period of time, I anticipate my roommates or yours will start making passive comments about an "extra person" living in the apartment, and one or both of our parents may make alarming comments about marraige, etc. We probably won't address this, but will do something stupid to sabatoge the relationship. You'll become standoffish and I'll react by being clingy and the tension will rise until I end up crying outside a bar and pulling on your arm as you get in a cab. Or, maybe I'll make plans for a major life change--say moving across country or buying a condo (who knows, right?)--without consulting you and you'll break up with me through the classic fifth grade combination of ignoring me and trusting that it'll get back to me through mutual friends. I'll be briefly but intensely upset; I don't know how you'll handle your grief. After a period of time in which I'll probably date some ridiculous characters and make ridiculous proclamations about how much I hate men and love, and how I'll die alone and sad, we'll run into each other (mutual friend's wedding, etc.). I'll be stressed about this meeting, but we'll probably have a good conversation. At least, I hope we'll be able to be friends, and I think we will...until we get married, that is, at which time our respective spouses will feel uncomfortable and end our friendship. But we'll think of one another fondly, nonetheless. If this sounds good to you, drop me a line with a picture. We can get coffee or drinks or pretend to meet in a supermarket over awkward conversation about bread pricing or something. Whatever works for you.
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"
Best of Craiglist: You - Gorgeous... Me - A Gamer... - m4w - 25
This is a winner based on title alone.
Date: Thu Feb 16 10:27:01 2006
You - Gorgeous... Me - A Gamer... - m4w - 25
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/134426482.html
Date: Thu Feb 16 10:27:01 2006
You - Gorgeous... Me - A Gamer... - m4w - 25
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/134426482.html
